I believe that we exist to love.
Corny, cliche, hopeful or desperate as it might sound… I believe that without love we are lost.
My little sister Dana is one of the most beautiful people I know. Smart, funny, kind, generous, thoughtful, selfless… her physical beauty is second to that of her inner perfection. She exudes a positive glow and simply lights up most any room that she enters…
As little girls we would giggle about where our future husbands were, what they were doing and how they would cherish us, as we would them.
We were hopeless romantics and each of us hoped to find true love in our best friend… much in the way that our parents had.
Six years ago I had an “ah-ha!” moment while sitting in the boat with a dear friend of mine who was expressing the same curiosity of his future wife. Steve Morrow, my co-worker and long-time buddy was pondering the same questions of romance that Dana and I had all of our lives… needless to say, I couldn’t resist the thoughts that raced through my head.
I had never tried to set my sister up with anyone before… not looking to be ‘Big Pimp Vokey’, I always just hoped that she would find a good man in her journeys while walking through a dog park or shopping at the super market. But that day as I looked into Stevie’s eyes, I saw a genuine twinkle and I couldn’t help but drive to the city to pick up Dana and bring her back to my place (where Stevie was staying).
The first attempt to set the two up was relatively unsuccessful but with a little more determination, Dana agreed to come with me to the Thompson where Stevie and I would be fishing throughout the week.
There are a whole lot of wonderful stories that fill the next five years but, cutting to the chase, this May the two of them were married.
Watching Dana and Stevie was like watching two angels take flight… as I watched their relationship thrive with the truest of love and dedication, I couldn’t help but notice just how empty my own relationships were.
I hadn’t had all that many boyfriends in my thirty years…
My first one was a six year relationship with a highschool sweetheart that inevitably found us both on separate roads (as a teenager I turned to fishing… he turned to his attractive next door neighbour), the next was a dead-end relationship with a fellow fishing guide and good man who simply had different expectations of life and future planning than I did, the third was probably the only true regret I have, an Arkansas liar, cheat and abuser who found strength in manipulation and physical assault (true story… will save that one for another time), and finally there was my last boyfriend, one who I still hold dear to my heart as a lifetime friend and overall wonderful human being…
Four long-term boyfriends and in none of them could I find the happiness, communication, comfort or friendship that I so longed for. I was holding off for something special, something like what Dana and Stevie had, something that just felt right.
Cranking Jill Scott as I travelled the world looking for him, I would tell myself that he was out there somewhere; I just had to be patient.
The wedding was set to take place in Antigua. Stevie’s family is Guatemalan and he and Dana spent a great deal of time there backpacking and exploring Central America. They wanted to marry amidst the ruins and share it with us in hopes that we would love the country as much as they did.
I booked just over a month off for the trip. I planned on spending one week in Guatemala, one week in Honduras, a week and a half in Belize with friends and one week at Turneffe Flats with a news crew and group for Fly Gal’s hosted week.
It was a unique trip for me… I had two of the above ex-boyfriends flying in with me as part of the wedding party (awkward? Yes.), was scheduled to travel as part of a group (frustrating? Yes.) and was the maid of honor for my little sister’s wedding (incredibly awesome? Yes.)
A handful of us arrived in Antigua at 6:00 in the morning where Stevie picked us up and shuttled us to the city… Antigua lay quiet and still, the old buildings told their historical stories in the silence of their shadows and the cracked roads left only remnants of those who had walked it before us. I was in awe…
We weren’t able to check in to the hotel until the afternoon so after a quick walk through the city, I unrolled my yoga mat, laid my head down to rest on a park bench, and covered my eyes with my arm. One of the guys read a book next to me and I dozed off into a much needed rest.
I awoke in a daze several hours later, alone and burned…
I sat upright and looked out at a bunch of Guatemalans who looked just as surprised as I did. Muttering and cursing about how my new tan lines were going to clash with my bridesmaids dress, I grabbed my mat and walked through the city streets to try and find the rest of the group.
The city was bustling with people…
The way the modern world and the ruins coexisted was surreal to me and a smile slowly reappeared on my red face.
Life here was so simple and it didn’t take long to feel a connection to the people and scenery around me.
That night my sister arrived and like two school girls we giggled, jumped on the bed and went out for a night on the town.
The wedding was scheduled to take place at the beginning of the trip to allow for relaxation for the rest of the week… the venue was gorgeous! As a full-time student, Dana has about as much free time as I do (equals none) so Stevie planned the entire wedding and she showed up to a completely organized event, not knowing much more than what the groom looked like.
She glowed at the amazing job he did and I breathed a sigh of relief in knowing that my parents were able to experience an extravagant wedding with at least one of us (I plan on fumbling over a few river rocks, saying “I Do” and then slipping on my waders to go fishing… perhaps a slightly less glamorous approach than that of a traditional wedding).
My stomach was full of butterflies and the look on my sisters face on her way to the alter was priceless.
She was getting married in my mom’s vintage dress and was simply stunning as she walked down the aisle.
As Dad and I walked with Dana over the carpet, my Mom looked back from the front row and burst into tears. I sat with her and rubbed her back…
After “I do’s” and red-eyed girls, it was party time where my Mom later admitted that in looking back at my sister, she saw two men in the aisles that she had hoped I would one day marry, thus throwing her into an emotional spiral… I sighed and danced until my feet hurt and begged for me to retire them.
Her words had hit home… was I breaking up with these men due to too high of expectations? Was I looking for something that didn’t exist? I hadn’t settled for a career, life, home… if love is the most important thing in the world to me, was it really fair for me to think about settling on that of all things?
Was I unrealistic to assume that there was a man out there who could communicate with me and be my goofy best friend, my passionate lover, one who actually did what he said he would, one with integrity and patience with my hectic schedule? Shouldn’t it feel right?
I needed some time to just get away. Grabbing the mat, I headed up to the peaks of the city and got lost in the moment.
A clear mind and a relaxed body prepared me for the next few days of tourist activities.
We went to the ChiChi marketplace…
Bought my favorite piece of jewellery from a vendor who hand-made this wonderful pendant from a Guatemalan Quetzal (the bird itself represents liberty and ancient people believed the Quetzal would not survive in captivity… it would rather die than be held prisoner.)
I felt it was rather fitting.
Was served by a waiter who must have been eleven years old.
Ate hard and then worked hard the next day to burn it off by hiking the volcanoes…
…Bought the kids marshmallows to teach them the importance of sharing… these kids are bonafide hustlers.
Before long, it was time to fly to Roatan, Honduras for a beach party.
Feeling slightly out of place with the wedding party, ex-boyfriend scenario and non-fishing environment, I packed my fly gear and booked my own accommodations across town (near the permit flats) so I could get grounded again.
Getting back to work, I opened up office and got caught up on emails and deadlines.
It didn’t take long to make some new friends at the Sundowner and soon I was fishing with permit guide Greg Baldwin for some tailing fish.
We spent the next few days fishing hard and were rewarded with some other cool fish…
…A bunch of great shots at “mouthless permit” and some serious “wtf” moments.
I took my frustration out on other members of the ocean …
…And spent the night alone before saying my goodbyes to Honduras and catching my early morning flight to Belize to meet up with good friends Lacey Kelly and Wil Flack (owner of Tres Pescados Fly Shop in Belize).
Lacey is one of those people in life who can make you smile even if she is telling you to “pound sand”.
With a laugh that can melt the sun, fishing with her is nothing less than entertaining, honest and fun. I have known Wil for a little longer than I’ve known Lacey and had clicked with him from the moment we met. A Canadian who has lived the majority of his year in Belize for over a decade, the man knows permit as well as he knows the side of his neck… he literally has permit tattooed on either side of his neck.
Waking up for first light, we hit the flats…
…Got cozy in girl talk and suntans… made fun of industry rumours…
…Got bitch slapped by a few tarpon…
…Had a few celebratory beers and bbq…
With high spirits, I headed to Turneffe Flats where I was to meet with ten guests and a news camera crew (more on this later). We were busy filming so the photos I have are limited but there were a few permit caught by some of the guests…
Pops needs some new wading boots?
May brought love, smiles, happiness and an addition to our family. The permit broke my heart more than that of any boyfriend and my spirits soared high as I entered June with a cleansed mind and sun-kissed body. As a woman who has found success in following her heart and dreams, I will be damned if I don’t hold true to this in every aspect of my life… love included.
A lot has changed since May this year (June blog is close behind and I look forward to sharing it).
Thanks for reading!
AV.
